100+ [Best] Funny Captions for Instagram (2019)

  • I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!
  • Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.
  • Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.
  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.
  • I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!
  • I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
  • Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software… it’s called Monday, please fix it.
  • Dear Lord… please give me some patience NOW…NOW…NOW….
  • I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.
  • How do people write an autobiography? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday.
  • The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.

english funny status

  • Friday is my second favorite F word.
  • It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.
  • If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.
  • BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.
  • I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing.
  • Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
  • You made me laugh so hard. Tears ran down my legs.

Make a Hilarious Tag for Selfies

  • God is really creative, I mean just look at me.
  • Who cares, I’m awesome.
  • Eat, sleep, click, repeat.
  • I’m different, fuck your opinion.
  • Look behind you see any eager faces, waiting for your next post? I thought not.
  • Remember when you were better than me ?.. Ans: ya neither do I.
  • Look dope chic, spice and so nice.
  • I`m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
  • I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
  • I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
  • I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
  • I am not fat, I am just… easier to see.
  • I am not lazy, I am just on my energy saving mode.
  • I Live And I Learn But I Wait My Turn. I’m Always On The Run, Got Weight To Burn.
  • There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking. So we meet again…
  • If I ever let my head down, it will be just to admire my shoes.
  • Warning – You might fall in love with me.
  • I know I’m lucky that I’m so cute.
  • What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.
  • If being hot is a Crime ARREST ME!
  • I just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
  • People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
  • If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.
  • Silence is the best answer to all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately, both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.
  • I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
  • Nothing is illegal until you get caught
  • If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
  • I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.
  • Born free, taxed to death.
  • Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 15
  • Can Bob the Builder fix my bad attitude?

Friendship Quotes for Your Favorite Companions

  • Let’s just stay friends = never talk again.
  • I know you are a sensitive person but no worry I am Sensodyne to your sensitivity.
  • People are people but my fellows are really fellows.
  • Not all the best moments are created with the one you love, some are created with true friends, a blissful beach, and some beer for sure!
  • You laugh. I laugh. You cry. I cry. You jump off a really tall cliff. I yell, “Do a flip!”
  • Finding friends with the same mental disorder is priceless.
  • I hope you dance like no one’s watching because they’re not—they’re taking selfies.
  • People are like Oreos. The good stuff is on the inside.
  • Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
  • Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean… But the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.
  • I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.
  • We’ll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home.
  • Every tall girl needs a short best friend.
  • As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure is going to happen.
  • Friends knock on the door, best friends walk into your house and start eating.
  • A friend in need of a friend to be avoided.
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, Oh my friend you to a zoo.
  • I hope we are good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.
  • Cousins are created so that our Parents can compare marks.
  • When you fall I will be ready to catch you- with love, floor.
  • Can I take your picture? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
  • Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.
  • Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
  • Do you actually have friends? Ans: Yeah, bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
  • The best way to look younger, hang out with older people.
  • I’m usually charming, nice, and well mannered, OK for those who really know me you can laugh now
  • Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.
  • Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  • You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

For Playful Couples

  • Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.
  • You marry so that you can know each other and the process lasts for infinity.
  • With great girlfriend comes great expenses.
  • Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.
  • Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married…
  • My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
  • Newton’s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.

Be strong in breakups

  • I don’t want to be in a relationship, I would rather be in a Range Rover.

Cute Engagement captions

  • One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
  • Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.

Relationship Quotes for Him

  • I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate … but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
  • I m a math teacher. One plus two equals me and you.
  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit.
God is really creative, I mean just look at me.
I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!
Oh, darling! Go buy a personality.
I`m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
I am not lazy, I am just on my energy saving mode.
Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.
With great girlfriend comes great expenses.

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