- I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!
- Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.
- Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.
- I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!
- I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
- Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software… it’s called Monday, please fix it.
- Dear Lord… please give me some patience NOW…NOW…NOW….
- I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.
- How do people write an autobiography? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday.
- The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
- Friday is my second favorite F word.
- It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.
- If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.
- BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.
- I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing.
- Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
- You made me laugh so hard. Tears ran down my legs.
Make a Hilarious Tag for Selfies
- God is really creative, I mean just look at me.
- Who cares, I’m awesome.
- Eat, sleep, click, repeat.
- I’m different, fuck your opinion.
- Look behind you see any eager faces, waiting for your next post? I thought not.
- Remember when you were better than me ?.. Ans: ya neither do I.
- Look dope chic, spice and so nice.
- I`m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
- I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
- I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
- I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
- I am not fat, I am just… easier to see.
- I am not lazy, I am just on my energy saving mode.
- I Live And I Learn But I Wait My Turn. I’m Always On The Run, Got Weight To Burn.
- There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking. So we meet again…
- If I ever let my head down, it will be just to admire my shoes.
- Warning – You might fall in love with me.
- I know I’m lucky that I’m so cute.
- What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.
- If being hot is a Crime ARREST ME!
- I just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
- People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
- If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.
- Silence is the best answer to all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately, both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.
- I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
- Nothing is illegal until you get caught
- If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
- I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.
- Born free, taxed to death.
- Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 15
- Can Bob the Builder fix my bad attitude?
Friendship Quotes for Your Favorite Companions
- Let’s just stay friends = never talk again.
- I know you are a sensitive person but no worry I am Sensodyne to your sensitivity.
- People are people but my fellows are really fellows.
- Not all the best moments are created with the one you love, some are created with true friends, a blissful beach, and some beer for sure!
- You laugh. I laugh. You cry. I cry. You jump off a really tall cliff. I yell, “Do a flip!”
- Finding friends with the same mental disorder is priceless.
- I hope you dance like no one’s watching because they’re not—they’re taking selfies.
- People are like Oreos. The good stuff is on the inside.
- Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
- Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean… But the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.
- I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.
- We’ll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home.
- Every tall girl needs a short best friend.
- As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure is going to happen.
- Friends knock on the door, best friends walk into your house and start eating.
- A friend in need of a friend to be avoided.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, Oh my friend you to a zoo.
- I hope we are good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.
- Cousins are created so that our Parents can compare marks.
- When you fall I will be ready to catch you- with love, floor.
- Can I take your picture? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
- Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.
- Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
- Do you actually have friends? Ans: Yeah, bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
- The best way to look younger, hang out with older people.
- I’m usually charming, nice, and well mannered, OK for those who really know me you can laugh now
- Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.
- Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
For Playful Couples
- Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.
- You marry so that you can know each other and the process lasts for infinity.
- With great girlfriend comes great expenses.
- Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.
- Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married…
- My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
- Newton’s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.
Be strong in breakups
- I don’t want to be in a relationship, I would rather be in a Range Rover.
- One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
- Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.
Relationship Quotes for Him
- I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate … but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
- I m a math teacher. One plus two equals me and you.
- Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
|BEST FUNNY CAPTIONS FOR INSTAGRAM|
|Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.|
|An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit.|
|God is really creative, I mean just look at me.|
|I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!|
|Oh, darling! Go buy a personality.|
|I`m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.|
|I am not lazy, I am just on my energy saving mode.|
|Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.|
|With great girlfriend comes great expenses.|